How to Teach Your Children to Make Smart Choices

By Jeanie Davis Pullen

As parents, we are concerned with the influential role choices and consequences play in our children's lives and in their futures. We want our children to make good choices. And at the same time, we want them to understand that choices lead to consequences - both good and bad.

Choices require a person to consider:

• The scenario/or the choice itself.
• The factors, conditions, and "what-ifs" that could affect each choice.
• The outcome of the choice.

Here's a great way for your child to learn how to make choices: Create real life scenarios where you and your child identify a choice and the "what-ifs" and factors that surround that choice. Start with something easy and play with the possibilities. Over time, you and your child can have fun with all kinds of real life situations.It's important to work with hypothetical situations only. For example, ask your child if she would rather play or read a bedtime story while sitting quietly together. Do not discuss scenarios when a decision is truly at stake or when a choice needs to be made quickly. This way, the learning process will be stress-free for both of you.

Choose scenarios from your child's daily life:

• Play activities
• Chores
• Family situations
• SchoolReligious activities

How to Play

Treat the scenarios like a game: "I'm going to describe a situation and then ask you a question. When I'm done, tell me what you think. There aren't any wrong answers. You and I will play together and come up with lots of different possibilities."

Scenario: "It's the end of the day and there are toys, crayons, and paints on the kitchen table and floor. What happens if we leave them in the kitchen until tomorrow?"

Question #1: What could happen to the toys?

• Someone could step on my toys and break them while I am asleep.
• Toy pieces could roll under the counter and get lost.
• Mom could accidentally bump into the table and water could spill on my paintings.
• I could step on the crayons and mark up the floor.
• The dog could chew on my toys.

Question #2: How could the toys left in the kitchen effect everyone?

• There's no room to put my cereal bowl on the table.
• It's hard for Mom to move around the kitchen in the morning.
• I could get upset if my favorite toy is broken.
• Mom can't sweep the floor.
• If I spilled my juice, my toys could get dirty or sticky.
• Baby sister can't crawl on the floor - there are too many small pieces she could put in her mouth.
• My toys are already out for the new day's play.
• Maybe these are not the toys I want to play with today.

Play with "what-ifs" that could change situations.

"I'll describe a situation, then you tell me what could happen to stop it."

Scenario: "You want to wear your favorite tee-shirt tomorrow. I've told you that I will wash it for you tonight and it will be ready tomorrow."

Question #1: "What could stop me from washing your tee-shirt?"

• There's no more laundry detergent.
• The washing machine breaks.
• Mom doesn't feel well.
• There is a storm and the electricity goes out.
• Mom wants me to clean my room and she won't wash my shirt until I finish.
• Mom forgot to wash my shirt

Question #2: "If your shirt is not clean, what could happen the next day?"

• I have to wear another shirt.
• I am disappointed.
• I don't want to wear anything else.
• I am upset with Mom.
• Mom is upset by what I said to her.
• Mom feels badly that my shirt didn't get cleaned when she told me that it would.

After playing with "what-if" situations, move to scenarios that require choices.

Experimenting with Personal Choices

"You are in the 5th grade and your teacher has given you an assignment that's due in a week. Let's play with two choices:

• Choice #1 is waiting to do the assignment the night before it is due.
• Choice #2 is finishing the assignment several days before it is due.

Let's think of some situations that could influence each choice."

Pay special attention to the events your child cannot control - even if they seem silly. If the scenario is possible, it counts.

Come up with scenarios that could influence Choice #1:

• There's a storm and the electricity goes out.
• I get sick and I can't work on my assignment.
• Grandpa visits and wants to spend time with me.
• The print cartridge runs low and I can't print my assignment.
• I get really sleepy and can't concentrate.
• I can't think of any ideas for my assignment.

Come up with scenarios that could influence Choice #2:

• If any of the events that I listed in choice one actually occurred, then I would have another day or two to finish my assignment.
• If I choose Choice #2, I'll have less stress and fewer worries.
• I have time to evaluate my finished assignment and make the necessary changes.
• Mom won't worry about the assignment being late.

You get the idea. Similar scenarios can appear for both choices, but they almost always lead to different outcomes.

Experimenting with Family Choices

Question #1: "Let's say we all want a family dog. What are some of the things we'll need to consider before bringing the dog home?"

• Our backyard is very small.
• There aren't any parks nearby.
• Our yard is not fenced in.
• Our town has a leash law. All dogs in the yard must be on a leash.
• Grandma has allergies.

Question #2: "What kind of dog is best for our family? What should we consider?"

• Is the size or breed of the dog important?
• Does it matter if the dog is male or female?
• Do we want a dog with long hair or short hair?

Have fun with the decision-making process. Take time to weigh all of the scenarios before making a final decision. No matter what the outcome, everyone will know they've made a reasonable, well-thought choice.

When you and your child play with the "what-ifs," you are teaching her to see the big picture. In addition to your child's personal views and feelings, she will learn that outside forces must also be considered. This way, unexpected consequences will be easier for your child to handle.

from Viewpoints on Parenting, Toys R Us
Issue: Teachable Moments Volume 4, Issue no.2, 2002
http://www10.toysrus.com/news/viewPoinParenting.cfm
Reprinted with permission.

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